apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
