i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
