There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
