Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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