Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
