Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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