wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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