I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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