We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
