i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
