this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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