Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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