i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
