yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
