I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
