Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
