the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
