Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
