I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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