if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
