All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
