I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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