i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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