we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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