I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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