i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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