TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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