if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
