well I can't set my house on fire every night
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I will pee on everything he values.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
