Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
