i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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