I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I wear drunk well.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
