I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
