Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I supernannyed him into submission
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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