On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
