Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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