I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
