walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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