I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
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