never play flip cup with pint glasses
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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