Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
