Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
