Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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