We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I wish I could punch you in the face.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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