Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
