dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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