He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
