I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
