Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
