Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
